Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Anxiety.
For as long as I can remember I have NEVER been able to do anything on my own. Before I got married (probably high school age) I could go to the bank, doctor, grocery store, mall, movies, ANYWHERE by myself. I always had to have my mom or someone with me. I've gotten a little better... but it's still a pretty big problem. Now I'm able to go to doctors appointments by myself, but that's about it. I never knew why I couldn't do any of these things, I didn't know what was stopping me and why I would freak out at the thought of being alone. This part of me drives Eb NUTS. I have to wait for him to get home and either have him go with me to the grocery store or have him go by himself instead. Eb thinks it's anxiety... I still have no idea, but that sounds pretty accurate to me. I've even tried to leave the house angrily when Eb refuses to go with me, but I just end up sitting in the car in the driveway for a little bit until he eventually gives in. It's pretty pathetic. I've decided that this is something that I really need to work on. It stops me from being able to do so many things. I'm never able to go shopping unless someone is with me, and most of the time there is no one to go with me! I guess it's just going to take a while to get over this... since it's something that I've lived with my ENTIRE life. Eb & a friend suggested that I start small like going to Walgreens and knowing exactly what I want, getting it, and then leaving. Even that freaks me out... Ahh I need to get over this!
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omg I think I have a little bit of the same thing and it did used to be worse. I would go somewhere and decide I didn't need to go in and drive somewhere else and again not go in! But I actually LOVE shopping alone now. When I go shopping with Neal I feel rushed. hah My problem now is going into restaurants or drive thrus. I just can't do it. But I guess that's kind of a good thing because I don't get food from them then! hah
ReplyDeleteI still hate being at ANY cash register but I think mostly I was just thinking too much of what others thought of me. I still do but I realized if I go to the mall or somewhere nobody notices me because there are just so many people around so it's not such a big worry.
I wish so much that I could just go shopping by myself, I think it would be really good for me! Eb always rushes me too haha.
DeleteI think maybe it is that I wonder too much what people are thinking or if they're judging me. It sounds so silly, but I really need to work on it!